As I contemplate publishing a book about my experience with Dissociative Identity Disorder, I consider the vulnerability I feel about sharing my story. First, I must apologize for not posting the last couple of months. My husband and I returned home in September from serving a mission for our church. After getting settled back into… Continue reading Being Vulnerable
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Christmas
This blog is a Christmas message about surviving childhood trauma and abuse. Faith in my Savior’s love and direction gave me the personal strength to move into the unknown and find the light. In my personal healing, my faith was essential. My experience was with DID, but childhood trauma and abuse can result in many… Continue reading Christmas
Scared
Many young children are afraid of being alone in the dark. However, for a preschooler who experienced two psychic splits and Dissociative Identity Disorder, it took on an unusual intensity. My memories and feelings of this time are clear. I doubt that my parents had any real idea of what their little preschooler was dealing… Continue reading Scared
Turning 4 Becoming 3
When I was four, PTSD flashbacks, present trauma, lack of attachment support, and a young mind’s negative self-perception caused another psychic split. So as I turned 4 years-old, I became 3 personalities. Once a child has split, they are more likely to split again since this was a psychological defense for trauma that worked before.… Continue reading Turning 4 Becoming 3
Lost in Trauma
My first DID split continued: Finally, Mommy came home. There was a hospital bed in the sunny living room of our apartment. There was a blanket on the floor with several large circle plates created from triangles of material of different fabrics. I would entertain myself by studying these various fabric designs. I was supposed… Continue reading Lost in Trauma
Discovery
Discovery of my first split and the trauma surrounding it, was a strange and amazingly experience. It felt real and honest. With this first, as with other splits, I asked my parents, siblings, and others for their memories and information. I sought answers from within. Gradually over time, the puzzle pieces came together in harmony.… Continue reading Discovery
My Story
Although I have been writing these blog posts about DID for over a year, I have not told my own story in detail. A couple of years ago, I worked on a manuscript that I intended to publish. However, for the last 15 months my husband and I have been serving a mission for our… Continue reading My Story
Faith
Faith and prayer was foundational in my discovery and healing from DID. Trusting the Savior’s love, His atonement, and guidance was essential. Carrying the internal burden of childhood trauma brought much difficulty to my life’s journey. I could not understand why I always felt so afraid. Fear dominated my life from as early as I… Continue reading Faith
Just Me
In this post I will describe some of the challenges I have faced as an integrated self. I will present some ways that I cope with being “just me” in the present. The post integration period for me was not a sudden “everything was all better.” Certainly, I was A LOT better when I had… Continue reading Just Me
After Integration
After Integration, then what? A therapist, other than my own, once asked me how things had changed upon integration. I simply said, “It’s just a lot quieter inside my head.” At first, I found myself seeking for the “others” inside and no one responded. This was just strange, and a little lonely. Yet, there was… Continue reading After Integration