Category: Uncategorized

Many young children are afraid of being alone in the dark. However, for a preschooler who experienced two psychic splits and Dissociative Identity Disorder, it took on an unusual intensity. My memories and feelings of this time are clear. I doubt that my parents had any real idea of what their little preschooler was dealing… Continue reading Scared

When I was four, PTSD flashbacks, present trauma, lack of attachment support, and a young mind’s negative self-perception caused another psychic split. So as I turned 4 years-old, I became 3 personalities. Once a child has split, they are more likely to split again since this was a psychological defense for trauma that worked before.… Continue reading Turning 4 Becoming 3

My first DID split continued: Finally, Mommy came home. There was a hospital bed in the sunny living room of our apartment. There was a blanket on the floor with several large circle plates created from triangles of material of different fabrics. I would entertain myself by studying these various fabric designs. I was supposed… Continue reading Lost in Trauma

Although I have been writing these blog posts about DID for over a year, I have not told my own story in detail. A couple of years ago, I worked on a manuscript that I intended to publish. However, for the last 15 months my husband and I have been serving a mission for our… Continue reading My Story

Faith and prayer was foundational in my discovery and healing from DID. Trusting the Savior’s love, His atonement, and guidance was essential. Carrying the internal burden of childhood trauma brought much difficulty to my life’s journey. I could not understand why I always felt so afraid. Fear dominated my life from as early as I… Continue reading Faith

In this post I will describe some of the challenges I have faced as an integrated self. I will present some ways that I cope with being “just me” in the present. The post integration period for me was not a sudden “everything was all better.” Certainly, I was A LOT better when I had… Continue reading Just Me

After Integration, then what? A therapist, other than my own, once asked me how things had changed upon integration. I simply said, “It’s just a lot quieter inside my head.” At first, I found myself seeking for the “others” inside and no one responded. This was just strange, and a little lonely. Yet, there was… Continue reading After Integration

Integration in DID may not mean the complete coming together of all alter egos into one personality. Partial Integration or Functional Multiplicity is another option. I will be using information from the site given in my last blog. This is a comprehensive scholarly research article on integration. Again, it is found on http://did-research.org (On the… Continue reading Integration

Integration in DID is often the “end goal” for those who are healing from DID. For the next few blogs I am going to combine my own personal experience of integration with some professional and research information from other sources. Let the Journey Begin Everyone’s journey toward healing with DID is unique. The self system… Continue reading Integration in DID

Dissociation can range from normal dissociation, (a common and temporary response to trauma) to increasing degrees of dissociative disorders. DID is considered on the extreme end of this spectrum (Van Der Kolk, The Body Keeps the Score, 2015). Defining Dissociation Dissociation may be defined as the failure of integration. Ingetration is what we do as… Continue reading Dissociation