Forgiveness is an important step in healing from DID since it results from trauma, abuse, and betrayal. However, forgiving too quickly will foreclose the processing of grief and pain that is needed to heal. First, one needs to acknowlege the abuse and trauma that was severe enough to require the young mind to fracture into multiple personalities. This takes time. When relationship issues and/or physical symptoms are severe enough, people with DID often find themselves in therapy. With professional help, the conscious mind comes to accept what the subconscious mind has kept hidden.
It may be difficult to let the true pain and sorrow of abuse be felt. It may be hard to accept that people, that you loved and trusted to love you, mistreated you. Facing the pain and sorrow of this fact and realizing that it was NOT your fault is critical. You may also need to take steps to protect yourself from an unhealthy or toxic relationship. Forgiveness does not mean that you have to trust or remain close. It does mean that eventually you will be able to resolve feelings of resentment and anger. Otherwise you remain emotionally connected to the abuser and the abuse.
Healing from Abuse
This is where being a Christian survivor of abuse was so important for me. It is through the power of the Atonement of Christ that the burden of abuse was lifted and healed. Having faith in and feeling the love of the Savior in the healing process was very real to me. I did have to limit interaction with a dysfunctional relationship, which was difficult, but I felt supported by the Savior in this action. I had to step back from the pain and seek understanding and support from the Spirit. Thus, I accepted my DID and my own past hurtful realities. I knew that the Savior had taken upon Him my pain and sorrow and that through Him things would be made right, even if not in this life. As I prayed for healing I recognized that the negative consequenes of abuse did not define me. At each step I could feel the Savior’s reassurance that the negative consequences could be resolved through Him. It took a lot of faith and prayer and time for me.
Another Perspective
I found some useful information online about forgiveness after abuse on the website: https://esther-company.com/forgiveness-after-abuse-a-different-perspective/
Nestler (2022) states that forgiveness is anchored to grief and pain. Victims of abuse often struggle with this issue especially if are told that their pain is due to not forgiving. Actually the inability to forgive indicates that a “deeper layer of healing is needed.” She suggests that instead of telling victims that they need to forgive, they need to be encouraged “to walk hand-in-hand with the Holy Spirit through the chambers of their heart and explore what pain is trying to tell them.”
“What if. . . the voice of pain (is) asking to be heard in order to loosen its grip, opening up space for healing and forgiveness.” She suggests that forgiveness is exoneration (to relieve responsibility, obligation, or hardship), forbearance (refraining from exacting something due), and release (relinquishing a hold). Forgiveness is not trusting, forgetting, condoning, excusing, or reconciling. Validating the devasting result of abuse gives space to process grief and to heal. Speak truth and allow space for healing. “Patience and grace for the victim’s individual process are imperative so as not to override their free will or dismiss their personal process with the Lord.”
I recall times early in my therapy when my therapist would say, “I forbid you go to compassion or forgiveness.” This was so that my healing process could gradually and naturally come to where forgiveness was healing. I now feel the peace that healing and forgiveness bring…..but it took a lot of time and a lot of patience with the process of my healing.