Therapy takes courage. One is generally brought to therapy because of a personal crisis or because of suffering significant unresolvable emotional or physical pain. In therapy you begin a serious journey of self discovery. It feels vulnerable to reveal your weaknesses and personal problems to another. It is difficult to accept how you have been affected by life’s challenges. It is hard to discover and/or work through how others have hurt you. This is especially difficult when you realize that you have been hurt by those you trusted.
The subconscious mind is a mystery. Consciousness has tucked things away in the subconscious for a reason–generally a defensive maneuver. A therapist can help you to discover these subconscious mysteries and learn how to more constructively manage them. This is especially true for those who are DID. Being Multiple originated from trauma and confusion stuffed long ago. This is how you survive the traumas your childhood. Childhood defenses in subconsciousness can interfer with your adult life and relationships. In therapy, you may discover things you did not want to know. However, unraveling the mystery now allows a wounded child within to finally heal.
What Would They Think If They Knew?
Personally, I was in so much unexplainable physical and emotional pain that my marriage and my ability to function began to suffer. My husband suggested thereapy and I agreed. What started out as marriage therapy turned into years of DID work and discovery–and I am truly grateful that I made the journey.
My parents were not supportive of me going to therapy. They felt that I should just pray more. Since perfectionism dominated my childhood home, therapy was essentially heretical. It made my mother defensively furious to even suggest that my childhood and its religious teachings were not “perfect.” It made my father suspicious.
I would not dare tell anyone in my church congregation or at work that I was going to therapy. Like many, I was able to put on an “everything is fine” face in church or work settings while emotionally dying inside.
I overheard heard comments from church members that going to therapy or even taking antidepressants (which I did) was a sign of spiritual weakness. When I learned of my DID, I told essentially no one for decades. Once when I did bring it up to an eccleiastical leader, I was told about the Bible story of Mary having seven devils cast out of her. He just didn’t understand. My alter egos were not devils!!!….even if sometimes it did felt like I was being possessed. They were really fractured parts of me!
I felt like being a Christian with DID was not acceptable, nor approvable. However I knew that Spirit of the Savior was with me. Fortunately, my therapist was also of my Faith and he understood and supported my relationship with Christ.
Then something amazing happened. It was statistically impossible! God led me to a friend in my congregation who was also DID. I know that our friendship was not a coincidence, but a Divine blessing. Who else could understand the science fiction movie my life had become? Her personal and spiritual support was a Godsend. I hope that other Christians who struggle with DID will find this website a place of understanding and acceptance.
Is DID for Real?
For so many years even psychology was not sure if Multiple Personality Disorder (now called DID) was just false memories suggested by a therapist. Sadly, I believe this is how my parents felt. I had hoped for their acceptance and at first I thought they believed me, but it was only a hope. After my mother’s death, my father seemed interested in my journey and my alter egos. But in the year before his death, he strongly denied the truth of my original childhood trauma that was so subconsciously vivid to me. I asked him, “How would you know, when you weren’t even there when it happened?” We never talked about it again. I believe my Father could never accepted that I was a traumatized child. However, having DID was sure evience.
The Reality of DID Uncovered
DID can manifest itself in a number of emotional and physical ways. I had increasingly intense and frequent migraines. Others may have seizures that defy medical treatment. For a professionally complete description of DID and its symptoms, see the American Psychiatric Association’s Diagnostic and Statistical Manual ( Fifth Edition, 2013)
As a teen, I remember seeing the old movie The Three Faces of Eve (1957). This was probably the first time the phenomenon of Multiple Personalities got international attention. At first “Eve” (whose real name was Christine) was told by her therapists not to tell anyone that she was the character upon whom this movied was based. Twenty years later she wrote the book I’m Eve (Chris Costner and Pittillo, 1977) and later A Mind of My Own (Chris Costner, 1989) after she finally integrated her not three, but twenty personalities.
Fortunately, today DID is more than a topic for a “thriller” movie, but is accepted as a reality that many people actually experience. I was surprised to see recently that a Google search for Dissociative Identity Disorder yielded about five million results! I know that I am not alone. Many have or are experiencing their own DID journey and sharing it with others. I hope that what I share will be not just interesting, but encouraging and comforting to you.